Monday, August 18, 2014

A Heart Connection.

Growing up children.

They come with so little instruction and we strive through trial and error to best raise them.  It is easy to get well meaning advice along the way that either helps or hinders us on this journey.

I went in to raising my kids intending to parent, much like I had been parented.  Clear boundaries and swift consequences with love.  Only it wasn't so simple.  Disciplining my son turned him into a shut down little robot and my daughter became defiant.  I parented the same for both and felt like I was creating a spiral of destruction in my wake.

I've tried countless parenting options and work very hard to teach myself about what children need based on whatever expert is speaking at the moment.

Until I came to a place of absolute discouragement and unrest.  Nothing I did seemed to work, I was overwhelmed and ineffective.

Then I started pursuing the hearts of my children and in essence this has become the building block of how I parent.  It is more important to me to have connection than perfection.  These little beings are not my puppets, they very rarely bow willingly to my control.

I once felt very proud when I snapped my fingers and my two year old obeyed instantly.

But, I lost a vital connection and it has taken me years to rebuild and reform it.

We don't operate with a lack of discipline, we simply maintain a strong connection to the emotional well being of our babies.

It has completely transformed our home and our relationships with one another.  There is a sweet closeness that was lacking in our rules and demands.

Things are a bit more messy and heart connection takes precedence over obedience.  We still expect  obedience.  However, it is no longer a lack of understanding that guides, but a listening to relationship and following the pathway that grows before as we connect and nurture our children.

If you pursue love and consistency you will be successful as a parent.  This doesn't mean you'll have perfect robots or your kids will necessarily be what you expect, it just means they'll best grow to safely trust and love you.  They'll long to please you as  you long to hear and know them.

I see often the hearts of children overlooked in the demand for perfection and I watch as it breeds rebellion and discord.  I am not a parenting expert and my babies are still young.  But, if you feel as if you're missing something in your connection, I would argue strive for the relationship before the discipline.

Good luck out their Mamas.  You're doing a better job than you think.

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