Wednesday, December 7, 2011

looking inward.

                                                                                                 photo by the amazing Heather Armstrong

Today seems like a good day for confessions.

I am a dreamer.  Since I was young I would follow the rabbit trails through my imagination.  I would form rooms of secret longings.  When life beat too hard, I would retreat to my hidden sanctuaries.

I have never acted on my dreams or wholeheartedly pursued the worlds I would create.  They were just places to visit.  I never thought myself worth bringing them into the every day.

Longing, I have lived.  Not quite accepting of where I find myself.  This place of dreams just a thought away.  Slowly, I realize I am living dissatisfied.

In this self reflection I have to wonder how many out there resonate with this realization.  That have become so comfortable in their imagination, they've neglected to pull them into reality.

I would be the first to say that I am terrified.  Crippled by the belief that I am not good enough and that nothing I could create would really be worthwhile.  It is this type of lie that continually holds me bound.  Always longing, never realizing.

This blog is a small step of living in my dreams.  Though, I haven't nurtured or poured into it as I ought.  Still, feeling the weight of fear.  I have dabbled just my fingers, too afraid of submerging myself.

My dreams have begun to grow old.  The closets in my head are shrinking.  Leaving the paper and my pen the only outlets of a bleeding mind.

5 comments:

Lacy Fontaine Photography said...

I love you!

artistmom said...

You are an amazing writer!! A beautiful woman
Of value and worth. You are going to reach for your
Dreams. Thanks for being so honest just caught up
On your blogs of late. Love you

Misty said...

I think if you really take a good look at yourself you will realize that God made you amazingly talented to bless people. Do not be afraid to use your gifts/dreams and share them with the world. You will bless many with that. Take it from me, I know its very hard to look at your dream in front of you and sit and wonder....Thats why 3 years ago I decided to take the baby steps and go back to school to finish what I want for my future. What dream I have. I can only take 2-3 classes at a time since I work full time and its frustrating that Im not already done, but if I keep working, and keep taking the baby steps towards my dream it will be there waiting for me. In the end I will be able to bless people and live my dream. I believe you can too.

charis said...

i am so glad you are writing and always look forward to reading your heart in your blog. i believe God will open the right doors in the right time for you... keep being obedient and pursuing Him - the overflow is beautiful.

my recent post: the great adventure

Cherylyn Petersen said...

Thank you all so much! I so greatly appreciate the encouragement. @Misty, I'm going back to school this semester and like you only taking a handful of classes. Definitely frustrating, but sooo exciting.