Never Enough.

I have to admit that I put myself under quite a bit of stress.  I'm always certain that I should be better, perform harder, do more, be more.  It is very rare that I am able to just rest in the reality that this is who I am.  That I am exactly the me I should be.  That who I am, what I am, brings value to the world and those around me.

I bought the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD a few months back.  I have to be honest, I didn't expect it to literally destroy me, punch me in the face, telling me I've believed a false message of lethargy!  What the heck!  I thought taking the stairs was a good idea.  Regardless, I've been exercising.  Fully loving how it feels to get back in shape.  It's been a while.  My kids were too little, I had too much milk to deal with, etc.  The excuses were endless.  Until I was finally dissatisfied enough to pursue a change.   Getting stronger just feels good.

However. . . I signed up for Jillian's health and wellness emails and suddenly I was inundated with the idea that I need to eat less, eat low fat foods, cut out sugar, only drink water, don't breathe, don't frown (you'll wrinkle), be less, do more.  And.  Well.  It's easy to jump into that.  Especially when you're unhappy with how you see yourself and you want the change to happen right now.

I could feel myself stressing, 'OH NO! I ate after eight, I didn't stop when I was full, I had a peace of chocolate cake!  I am now going to be fat and I will never look like the hard bodies on pinterest!'  Sob.  Sob.  Gulp.

And yeah, bummer.

Law will destroy you.  Every time!

Yes, there are times that you need to be a little strict and push for a change.  However, if you are constantly living under negative self talk, stressing about everything you eat, you're probably not going to be successful, or you will - only to put it all right back on.

I thought I'd share a couple tools that have hugely helped me reach a happy, healthy place with my eating, my body, my weight.

I pursue loving myself.  It isn't easy for me to find the good in my looks or my body.  I tend to be uber critical.  But, when I start to focus on what I am good at, even if I can't see it, that I am beautiful.  Some of that judgement starts to fall off.

Live in GRACE!!  Don't stress if you binge, or you ate past a certain time, if you had one of your I'll 'never' foods.  It can be so easy to jump on a wagon and then devastating when you fall off.  Rather walk as close to the wagon as you can, then one day you'll realize you've been riding in it and it's no longer scary or forced.

I am absolutely not an expert in any way.  I mostly have a healthy diet.  I am aware of foods that I struggle with and I try to avoid them, but I'm learning sometimes I won't and that's okay.  I am okay.

After having my kids, I could feel the stress of trying to get all of the weight off.  Striving to instantly be back in shape.  Every article, person, doctor said to take my time.  I constantly heard 'you took 9 months to put this weight on, give yourself that long to take it off'.  It can be discouraging when the scale seems to move so slowly, but as you choose to continue changing habits and focus more on living fully, being healthy, and exercising - that number will move.  Don't worry.

I hope that everyone who is pursuing their health is able to enjoy each and every accomplishment without the weight of any little failures holding them back.  Enjoy your life, your day, you.




I was hoping to post my granola recipe - which is a little bit of heaven.  But, I realized last minute I need a couple things.  I'll do my best to have it up tomorrow.

Blessings.  Cherylyn

confessions of a sugar addict.

Few of you may know this, but I love sugar.  Not just sweets or bread or soda, but pretty much if there is sugar in it, I will gleefully imbibe and more than likely not be the best sharer.  I have managed to shelter my children from this addiction as much as possible.  They are rarely privilege to my late night ice cream binges or the skittles and m&m's snuck quietly while they aren't looking.  Occasionally they'll find my stash and I'll share one or two, but remind them that we don't want to eat sweets because it isn't good for our bodies.

Poor Judah is convinced that if he eats too much ice cream he'll be sick.  I haven't meant to make it that taboo.  But, balance in everything is important.  This is one area in my life that I'm striving to learn self control.  Often I'll fast sweets only to binge like the mayor in Chocolat when I let them back into my diet.  And that isn't pretty for anyone.

However, even attempting to allow myself a few treats now and then, lulls me into a false feeling of calm only to realize I've completely stopped eating food, but have managed to exist on coffee, donuts and ice cream for weeks at a time.  This is embarrassingly true.  There was actually a time when I literally did not eat anything but ice cream for a month.  mmmm.  It was a yummy month.  No I did not feel terrible or gain weight.  If I had, I would have stopped.

Perhaps my lack of noticeable side effects is what allows me to so freely indulge.

Therefore, I am making changes not based on my weight or mood swings, but my desire to model a healthy lifestyle for my kids.  Children demand everything of their parents, they expect them to be perfect and it is a hard reality to face when they realize that they are fallible.  I am fully aware of my shortcomings, but I do not want it to be one that cuts off my life prematurely.  Regardless of what I see, sugar is death to the body and I have been slowly killing mine for far too long.

Sob.

A few interesting things about sugar.  It feeds cancer growth, leaches minerals, has a similar chemical make-up to heroin (though it is not considered addictive), promotes heart disease and diabetes, depresses  immunity, feeds candida growth, raises insulin levels. . . and the list goes on.

Sniffle.

I want to be very clear, that I am not planning to cut sugar out of my diet forever!  That would be silly.  I'd feel guilty if I slipped and had a bite of cake and I do not like guilt.  Rather I am taking a break, my goal is 40 days, but I won't hate myself if I don't make it.  I have quit all sweets, including all of the 'good' sugars.  Just in case you were curious, I am not supplementing with artificial sweeteners.  I hope that's not even a question, because I won't even begin to talk about how terrible those are for you.   I'm avoiding snack foods and breads, but I am not being overly cautious, just attempting to keep all sugars out of my diet.  I am eating fruit and I've made a couple of raw treats for myself.  I am mostly trying to teach myself how to eat whole, real food.

Sigh.

I am glad it is day six and I can tell you that I haven't broken down in a fit of tears, run wildly to the candy store, or harmed anyone as I've come off of my addiction.  And I am was addicted.  I have been tired, lethargic and a little out of sorts, kind of like being sick.  I have been famished and eaten more than I have ever seen myself eat, except maybe when pregnant.  Though, cutting out the five cokes and chocolate cake I would typically consume at a meal, may be lowering my calorie intake.

My goal at the end of forty days will be to slowly reintroduce healthy forms of sugar, but I'll do my best to avoid the scary white stuff as much as possible.  Because I know that just a little will have me lying under the table with an empty box of donuts on my stomach a can of whipped cream in one hand, a candy wrapper in the other.  So, I'll make my changes slowly, envying the multitude of people with massive amounts of self control.