held in life

Breathtaking life you surround me. You minister and direct me, your praise explodes through my soul and I take flight as your hand lifts me up. Round and round we twirl and spin, your glory rains through my life and in the midst of darkness you shine brighter than my deepest fear. Heartbreak and death begin to consume and I cry aloud don't take your Spirit from me, Please don't leave me here to stand alone. I beat my chest and fall, the weight of your presence removed and I am shivering and cold. Agony that only losing you can bring, holds my face in the dirt and my tears mix with the dust to cover my nakedness in mud. Then like colors on a blank canvas your arm surrounds me and lifts me up, your eyes stare into mine, your voice like water rumbles through my being and you sing over me. In this moment, in my foolishness, my tantrum, I am restored, I am clothed with light and my heart of passion finds it's strength in your steadfast loving kindness. As you pour truth, that you will never leave, never forsake, that in the midst of doubt and despair you are there. That I am filled with you and despite all of my shortcomings, your love is stronger, it is pure. It restores. I am free. To be forever yours.

Seasons come and go. There are seasons of crazy, amazing, insane life where it feels like a constant state of blessing, then others that feel as though you are being squeezed and there is not any breath left and all you can do is close your eyes and get through. Then so many in between. Here I am, being pressed.