Train up your child.

It would be nice if there were a perfect formula for parenting.  A nice patented book that told you what to expect when and what the appropriate response/action would be.  

I would title it: How to raise perfect children following A through Z.

It would have lots of always do this and never do that.  If there were exceptions they would be very carefully itemized with complete outlines so that you were always able to follow the appropriate guidelines. 

This would help when your child gets down 25 times from the table and then throws food or spits bites all over you.

It could be used when your 4 year old thinks that the television is the only thing in the world they should play with.

Necessary when your child seems to prefer peeing on the floor than the toilet.

Or when your two year old slaps you in the face after smashing a play laptop over your four year olds head.                   

                                   (these are just random ideas, I don't know anyone who's kids would do the above)

                                     

A book.  That could outline exactly what training and discipline would be most effective and universal for all children.

That's the thing, isn't it.  Not all children are the same.  They each respond differently to communication.  One child may be heartbroken at a stern look, while another child could tell you the spanking didn't hurt.  

We have tried countless forms of training, discipline, etc and sometimes still shake our heads and really wonder if any of it works.  

It does.

I know that it does.  Even when I want to throw my hands in the air and run away, I know that I am being effective.  

Training takes consistency.  It takes a lot of work and effort.  It's not easy, but there is a reward.  It will pay off.  

A book would be great.  But, there's something about knowing and understanding your child that takes commitment and focus.  

Parenting can bring you to your knees faster than just about anything.  One moment you can be rocking a screaming child, crying with them, not knowing the answers or how to respond.  The next you can be dancing wildly through the house falling in a heap of laughter.

If I were to write a book for parents I would tell them to trust themselves.  Believe that what they are doing is going to work and affect change.  Everyone will criticize you when you become a parent, your child will have you doubting yourself.  It's a little like being an animal trainer, the only way they'll respect you is if you both believe that you're in charge.  It's the same with kids.  You have to trust yourself and your actions, if you want them to.  

Even when you do your very best, you may feel like you failed.   You didn't.  You are valuable and important.  You are the best choice for your children.  Keep pushing forward.

Let all of the past failures and struggles fall off of you.  Believe in yourself.  Know your mind and your heart.  React in love.  Live in peace.  Be strong, unbreakable.   You will succeed.  

a lesson in identity.

Words are powerful.

I read a comment not too long ago where a parent said, 'who are we to tell our child whether they are gay or straight, boy or girl'.

And I thought I'd share my opinion with you.

Throwing out the homosexual issue, because I don't feel like going there, I thought I'd broach the boy/girl part of the comment. It may seem, in the ever increasing areas of gray in our world, that we should just love our children and let them form their own opinions and beliefs outside of our influence. This makes me think of the story about the king who wanted to know what the pure language of man was, so he took a group of children, allowed their base needs to be met, so that he could experience their form of purity. He was to be disappointed. They all died.

Perhaps this is an extreme case, but may I say the comment was an extreme comment. There is a thin line we walk as parents, between control and indifference. Our children will learn from us, whether we want them to or not. They will discern our bad from our good, judge us right or wrong, choose the path they want to take, based on what they have experienced from us.

Allowing your child to decide their identity in a world where everyone is trying to influence them, is similar to throwing a baby into shark infested waters and telling them to swim.

The end will be destruction.

There is a season in a child's life when they are desperately looking for answers. They aren't looking to peers or teachers, neighbors or heroes. Just you. And if you choose to be, you'll be the best influencer they will ever know. Teach them now, when they're a sponge, when everything you say soaks in and they can't wait to learn more.

The bible says to train your child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

If we fail to teach our children, they will search until they find answers on their own. More than likely you'll be disappointed in the result.

I want to train my children to understand who they are. To know, not only that they are loved, but they are mighty in the kingdom of God. This may seem a difficult lesson, because I find I'm training negative behaviors pretty constantly. The goal is to never allow your child to believe THEY are bad when they hit, steal, scream or any number of negative actions I find in ALL young people. But to speak truth over them. I often tell Judah that he is kind, so why would he hit, it's not WHO he is.

Another fabulous phrase from the bible, is that the power of life and death are in the tongue.

Let's just think about that for a minute. LIFE and DEATH. The SPOKEN word. Now, how are we talking to our kids. What are we SPEAKING over them.

This may seem like the most basic of lessons, but according to the comment I read, one that parents are missing.

It is our job, our role as parents to train our children in their identity. At their core, will be whether they are good or bad, a boy or a girl. Who better, than me, to teach my daughter that not only is she a girl, but that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. Confusion can only set in when clarity is not established.

Therefore, start teaching your kids now, who they are. Speak it over them constantly. They are good, they are loved, they are a boy/girl. Declare their destiny. If you can't see the amazing person they are, in their moments of weakness and self doubt, they won't be able to see it either.

As we love and teach our children outside of judgement and anger, they will grow to be the purity, not only we long to see, but that which the world is so desperately seeking as well.