Very often I see posts that talk about the absolute failures we experience as moms. I just don't always hear the recovery process. I know that I have messed up a million times. I am absolutely not perfect. Sometimes I yell, sometimes I punish when I shouldn't, sometimes I don't listen, sometimes I'm so angry I need a timeout. Simply because these are my sometimes, doesn't mean I can just let them slide, brush them off as having a rough day or that time of the month. I have to build myself up so that I can do better next time. I am constantly reminding my kids to learn from their mistakes. I love natural consequences, because often I can point to them as clear punishment for my children rather than having to mete out any formal training. But, how am I doing? Am I learning from my mistakes?
A few things I've learned from messing up.
Say you're sorry. Just as we want to train our kids to be quick to apologize, it is just as important to model this behavior. I've found that we have precious times when I go to my babies, wrap my arms around them and tell them how sorry I am for hurting their hearts, for not being in better control of myself. They are so quick to forgive, to love, and reconnect.
Try to stop. It's one thing to apologize, but if you don't try to change your behavior or the situations that cause it, you're kids aren't going to believe you. We tell them to learn from their mistakes, we have to be just as quick to learn from ours.
Know what triggers you. It drives me crazy when we're in a hurry and my kids move sooooo slowly. The more I encourage them to get moving, the more they can't help but stop and stare at the butterflies. I know this drives me crazy. So rather than grab their arm and drag them behind me, I take a couple really big deep breaths. Then I go to them, get down on eye level - I first marvel at what their seeing. Yes that is the most beautiful worm in the world, definitely the biggest. Thank you for showing me. Now, we are going to be late, and that's okay if that is your choice, but I don't like to be late, do you? Okay great, do you think we could run to class, then?
Whisper. Seriously, the more angry you are the better it is. When I'm absolutely about to lose it I go and get down on eye level and communicate with my kids. Very, very quietly. It's unnerving and terrifying. They're usually pretty quick to obey after.
Change what you can. Since everything breaks down when we are running behind, I've found that it is incredibly helpful for me to get up a lot earlier and have everything organized and ready to go, before waking my kids. I schedule extra time, because I don't like being late and I know I react when we are.
Sometimes there are just rough days. We all have them, even our best planning can't stop them. Do your best to go with the flow, breathe deep, remember this season is so short, it is literally flying by, and you will miss it when it's over. These are our fabulous and fond memories that shape our tomorrows.
I want to model my best to my kids and I am the first to admit my guilt and modeling my worst. I am so grateful for their sweet forgiving hearts. I adore their gentleness and I hope I can learn from them to forgive quick, love more than I should, and always believe in the best.
It's okay mama, wherever you are in your seasons of life. You're doing your best, and that's awesome.
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